There Was A Murder In My Building

I started to re-watch Only Murders in the Building. I’d started it years ago but gave up because it is boring. It’s still boring, but now I live so close to where it is set and filmed that I enjoy pointing at the screen and saying to nobody else in the room “That’s 72nd street”.

It’s also been helpful to further settle me into NYC because until this re-watch, I had sincerely believed that we had been unfortunate enough to stumble upon the crustiest, most cantankerous building in New York City. Until I moved here, I would have thought that the hostility and aggression between the residents on the show was being hammed up for comic effect. Now I know that it is just a factually accurate representation of how humans see fit to interact with each other. 

When Steve Martin sees someone approaching the elevator door and starts to jam on the “door close” button, I felt that in my bones. At first, because I’d seen people do that to me. Now, because I do that to absolutely everyone. I make eye contact with them while I do it too.

As I watched, the thought crossed my mind, “I wonder was there ever a murder in this building?”. I pressed pause and googled and YES THERE WAS!!! Relatively recently (the 90s). A resident shot his valet. Excuse me, who on God’s green earth in the 1990s had a valet? A murdering heir on the Upper West Side, that’s who. I could see that he had been convicted, served his time and was OUT!!!! He could be back living in this very building!!! I needed to find out. 

I considered messaging the Mom WhatsApp group for the building, but didn’t want to seem sensationalist or alarmist (though I am both of those things). I searched the murderer’s name on Facebook and there was one profile. Location: New York. 

The murder had taken place on the 16th floor. I decided that the least sensible way to investigate was to lurk on the 16th floor, waiting to maybe see him and that the most sensible way was to go to the ground floor mailroom, check all the names on the postboxes for the 16th floor and see if his was listed. If I’d had a pen and paper to hand, I would have started a to-do list:  ‘1. Check murderer’s name in postbox room’. Maybe I could start a podcast like on the show? No time like the present, I went down to check it out. On the way, I passed the parcel room (I don't have a valet but I do have a parcel room, thank you very much) and dropped in to pick up some packages. 

This is a stock image for “parcel room” but looks not dissimilar to our own

The head parcel room guy was on duty and I chanced my arm.

Me: “I was just watching Only Murders in the Building and I wondered was there ever a murder here and there WAS” 

Parcel room guy: “There was yeah, just after I started. In the 90s” 

Me: “Yeah and he’s out now and it’s probably a breach of privacy haha and I know you’re very professional and you couldn't possibly tell me hahaha but does he live here now ahahahaha”.

He cut me off and said “Yeah I can tell you” and I thought “Unprofessional…YES! I KNEW IT!!” but he continued “I can tell you he doesn’t live here cos he’s dead”.

And there ended my podcast before it even began.